So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The power of my boobs compel you
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