found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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