maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
