I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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