I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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