First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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