She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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