I wish I could teleport
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
