Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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