i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
