My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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