Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
