idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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