This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
