I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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