Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
