Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
