As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Two words: nipple clamps
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