Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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