Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
