I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
