awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
