Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
