Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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