Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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