Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
