I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
