After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
