Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
