When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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