Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
