our cab driver is having phone sex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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