Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
