Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
