she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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