I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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