it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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