I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
