there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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