so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
