Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
