They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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