At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
