Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
