Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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