sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
