wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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