Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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