Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
