32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
