Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
