it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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