With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize