i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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