peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you never un-have a 4some
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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