I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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