so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
