as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
