ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
