I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
