No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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