Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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