1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize